All This Time
by PepperjackCandy
Summary: After Rosetta (in a world without Helen), Clark is having disturbing dreams. Yes, it's CLex slash.


Title: All This Time  
Author: PepperjackCandy  
Rating: PG-13  
Pairing: Lex/Clark   
Category: Drama, Romance, AU  
Spoilers for: Takes place after Rosetta, but before Exodus, in a Helen-free universe.  
  
Disclaimer: Assorted characters from DC comics and/or Smallville are included. Don't own them.   
  
A/N: This was written for Nerodi's Historical Fiction AU Challenge. Many thanks to Earthseed for the beta.  
  
=========  
  
Clark was staring blankly at the air in front of his copy of _The Scarlet Letter_ when he was jolted into awareness by Lex's voice.  
  
"Good book?"  
  
Clark blinked, then held up the title for Lex to see, "Required reading."  
  
"Well, at least it's short," Lex grinned.  
  
Clark put the book down then yawned, "Or it would be if I could get into it."  
  
"You've been kind of out of it the last few days. You wanna talk about it?"  
  
"It's no big deal. I haven't been sleeping well, is all."  
  
"A teenage boy having trouble sleeping? Seems like a disaster of epic proportions."  
  
"Ha, ha."   
  
"You want to talk about it?"  
  
Clark shook his head, "I mean, I want to, but there's not much to tell. I wake up and then can't get back to sleep." He yawned.  
  
"Looks like you're tired. I'll go and let you get some sleep."  
  
"No!" Clark shouted, holding out a hand. "I mean, you just got here."  
  
Lex sat. "I guess I can stay a while."  
  
"Great. You're a true," yawn, "friend."   
  
Then, just like that, Clark was asleep.  
  
Lex chuckled a little, then stood, picking a red blanket off of the floor and placing it gently over Clark. He turned to go, then at the last minute sat back down. He never got tired of looking at Clark, and this provided an opportunity for him to do so without having to be surreptitious about it.  
  
~~~  
  
Clark heard voices just beyond the threshold of his hearing; he couldn't make out the words; he was pretty sure the words weren't even in English. Clark knew he only had one chance to do this right, and it needed to be perfect.  
  
The time came closer.  
  
And closer.  
  
Then suddenly, the voices were muffled. Clark panicked, felt himself suffocating . . .  
  
~~~  
  
Then sat up, breathing heavily.  
  
Arms enfolded him and Clark felt safe.   
  
"Clark?" Lex's voice asked softly.  
  
"Just a bad dream," Clark mumbled from the crook of Lex's neck.  
  
"Is that why you can't sleep?"  
  
Not moving his head from its comfortable nest, Clark nodded.   
  
"You want to talk about it?"  
  
Clark clung on for another minute, until the shaking stopped. Then he sat back.   
  
"It's . . . I don't know. Like drowning, I guess."  
  
"Ah. Being overwhelmed by problems? Struggling to keep afloat with everything pulling you down?"  
  
"No. Literally. I'm underwater and I can't breathe."  
  
"Ah. I've had those, too. Only mine end more happily than yours seem to." Lex met Clark's eyes meaningfully, waiting for Clark's blush.  
  
Clark didn't disappoint him.   
  
Lex returned to his chair, allowing Clark to spread out on the sofa again, "Go back to sleep. I'll be here if you need anything."  
  
Clark closed his eyes.  
  
***  
  
When Clark opened his eyes again, Lex was still sitting in his chair, leafing through papers from work.  
  
As if he had felt Clark wake up, Lex looked up and met his eyes, "Seems like you slept well."  
  
Clark smiled, "I did." He couldn't remember the dream, this time, just a feeling of warmth and contentment. And anticipation. "You were in my dream," he said without thinking.   
  
Fearing he'd said too much, Clark searched for a way to backpedal out of it.  
  
Lex, hardly daring to breathe for fear that the motion of the air would disturb this moment, gathered up his courage and said, "Your subconscious probably knew that I was here."  
  
Clark nodded, but really, he knew that his dream of Lex wasn't caused by anything of the sort. If only he could figure out what had caused it.  
  
***  
  
The next morning, Clark felt a stab of loss when he realized that Lex had left. Then he noticed the note pinned to the chair that Lex had occupied the night before.  
  
_I hope you slept well.   
  
Didn't want J&M knowing how late I stayed.  
  
See you this evening? L._  
  
Clark folded up the note, toying with keeping it before setting it on the floor and incinerating it with his heat vision.  
  
His first good night's sleep since he'd read the message from his father. And all due to Lex.  
  
***  
  
That evening, Lex shuffled papers around on his desk, trying futilely to still the butterflies in his stomach.   
  
Lex had never been one for 'boy crushes' before. He liked to flatter himself that he was beyond crushes at all, but he also knew himself better than that. He was crushing on Clark in a big, big way.  
  
A small voice in the back of his head pointed out that 'boy crushes' like this were common in Ancient Greece, but the rational side of his brain shouted it down, telling it that the relationship between _erastes_ and _eromenos_ was by its very nature temporary. After a few years, the _eromenos_ grew up to become an _erastes_ himself. Just like he was sure Clark would outgrow a sexual relationship with him.  
  
"Lex?"  
  
Lex jumped at the sound of Clark's voice, but he recovered quickly, "Come on in."  
  
"Is this a bad time?"  
  
Lex smiled, more easily than he'd expected, "No, of course not." He stood and walked over to the pool table, picking up the cue that Clark usually used and passing it to him. "How're you doing?"  
  
Clark took the cue and smiled, "Better. I wish I could sleep with you every night." His eyes widened at this, and he started to blush.  
  
Lex chose to ignore that, applying his attention to racking the balls.   
  
Once the game was underway, Lex broached the topic again, "No more drowning?"  
  
Clark shook his head, "Nope. Sure was weird, though."  
  
"Maybe you were remembering rescuing me?"  
  
"But why wait so long? And why your near-death experience? Why not the scarecrow?"  
  
Clark immediately realized his mistake, when Lex became suddenly more attentive, "But you didn't almost die that night."  
  
He had to make a decision whether to backtrack or to forge ahead, "Lex, they crucified me."  
  
Lex seemed to digest this.  
  
Remembering an old sermon from church, Clark continued, "You know how people die when they're crucified?"  
  
Lex nodded, "Suffocation, from pressure," he stretched his arms out at his sides, leaning forward slightly.  
  
Clark nodded, "And I looked like hell when you took me down, right?"  
  
"And got better as soon as you got your breath back. I'm so sorry, Clark, I didn't realize . . ."  
  
Clark cut him off, "It's all right. I mean, I forgave Whitney, so there was no more point in worrying about it. Now let's get back to that game."  
  
***  
  
That night, the drowning dream was back. Clark awoke sweating and panic-stricken, one word running through his head, _eromenos_.  
  
***  
  
That afternoon, when he went by Lex's house, he sat down in his usual chair across from Lex's desk and the first words out of his mouth were, "What's _eromenos_ mean?"  
  
Lex looked at Clark, blinking. For a moment, Clark wondered if a meteor-infected owl had possessed him. Then he spoke, "It's a Greek word -- where did you hear it?"  
  
"Just somewhere," Clark hedged.  
  
"What, exactly was going on when you heard it 'just somewhere'?" Lex sounded shocked.  
  
"Why? What does that word mean?"  
  
Clark could see Lex steeling himself, which worried him even more, "Literally, it means 'beloved.' It's the counterpart to _erastes,_ 'lover.'"  
  
Clark could tell there was more to it than that, "And?"  
  
"Well, those words were used under very specific circumstances. You know what they say about the sexual proclivities of men in ancient Greece?"  
  
"About them being gay?"  
  
"Well, there's more to it than that. It was actually a highly-ritualized relationship in which an older man provided education, social contacts and skills, and introduction to sexuality to a younger man. The younger man was the _eromenos._"  
  
This left Clark to wonder how an alien born on the planet Krypton would possibly have dreams in ancient Greek.  
  
***   
  
There was no drowning that night. No waiting on a barge in the Nile -- the Nile? -- for someone.  
  
Just a distinctive, cultured male voice, "On this third planet from this star Sol, you will be a god among men. They are a flawed race. Rule them with strength, my son. That is where your greatness lies. . . .  
  
"On this third planet . . . , you will be a god . . . . They are a flawed . . . . Rule them with strength . . . . That is where . . . .  
  
"You will be a god . . . . Rule them with strength. . . ."  
  
Clark sat up in bed, realizing that there was another message within the message from his parents. But could he bring himself to face it?  
  
***  
  
In his own bed, Lex lay awake, staring at the ceiling. Clark had asked him about _eromenoi_. He still could recall the thin finger of alarm that had run down his spine at the mention of it, just 24 hours after Lex had thought about it himself.   
  
He was certain that Clark wasn't psychic, and Ryan, rest his soul, was dead.   
  
So Clark mentioning the term to him must have been a massive coincidence. If Lex could only believe that.  
  
***  
  
The next morning, down in the storm cellar, Clark was pulled out of his abstraction by the sound of footsteps on the steps behind him. He turned and gave his father a wan smile, "Hi, Dad."  
  
"What are you doing down here?"  
  
"Rereading this," he indicated the message from his biological parents. "I think there's something I'm missing."  
  
"Yes. Breakfast."  
  
This time, Clark's smile was warmer, "No, besides that. Something about this message."  
  
A sudden thought occurred to Clark. "Why do you think that Lex and I became so close so quickly?"  
  
Jonathan snorted mirthlessly, "You know what I think."  
  
"Come on, Dad. It's got to be more than that, and you know it. Because even if he knew about my gifts, it's not like he could use them to build an army of supersoldiers or something. Step One, find a whole planet full of sentient humanoids circling a red sun. Step Two, place in yellow sunlight. Step Three, wait twelve years. That sounds real cost-effective."   
"What did you say?"  
  
"I said that sounded like a waste of resources, if it's possible, which I doubt it . . . ."  
  
"No. The other thing. Before that."  
  
"You'll have to refresh my memory."  
  
"You said that Krypton orbited a red sun?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"How did you know that?"  
  
"Dr. Swann must have mentioned it."  
  
"You've told us everything you and he talked about. He never said anything about the star Krypton orbited."  
  
Clark looked up at his father, "He didn't, did he?"  
  
Suddenly, Clark had to get to Lex; had to see him, to talk to him.  
  
He was out of the storm cellar and gone before Jonathan realized it.  
  
***  
  
Clark knew it was too early for Lex to be up, but he was desperate, so he headed right for Lex's bedroom, where he found Lex already awake, staring at the ceiling.  
  
"Lex? You're awake already?"  
  
"Still," was the only word from the figure in the bed. His eyes never wavered from the ceiling.  
  
"Is everything all right?"  
  
"If I ask you a question, would you answer it? Honestly?"  
  
Clark cursed the minute pause before he answered, "Yes."  
  
"Why did you ask me about _eromenoi_ today?"  
  
"It's just a word I heard somewhere." Lex's silence took on a flavor of impatience, so Clark added, "in a dream."  
  
Lex nodded, then finally broke his eye contact with the ceiling, looking over at Clark. "Because it was something I thought about recently, too. Odd, isn't it?"  
  
"Maybe I heard you say something about it, then," Clark knew he was grasping at straws.  
  
Lex shook his head, "This isn't something I would have discussed aloud with anyone, especially if you were anywhere nearby."  
  
Clark rose to his feet, affronted, "Why? Because I'm too young to know about sex? Because you don't want me knowing about your past? Why?"  
  
Lex nearly levitated to his feet, he was up so fast. "Because you left me! You killed yourself to get away from me!"  
  
"It wasn't like that at all!" Clark shouldn't have known what to say to Lex's accusations, but he did, "If you'd just think about the position *I* was in!"  
  
"The most powerful man in the world desperately in love with you. What a tragedy!"  
  
"No. You'd've left me soon, or else I would never have been able to go home again. I can still hear their voices as if it had really happened, 'Poor, pathetic Antinous! Holding on to childhood!'"  
  
Lex advanced on Clark slowly, "I redefined myself for you; suffered under the nickname of 'Graeculus' -- 'the little Greek'! I would've redefined you; protected you!"  
  
"For how long? You were sick, nearly dying. Finally I did the only thing I could -- traded my life for yours. It's not like you wasted away longing for my love. You lived another eight years!"  
  
Lex grabbed Clark's arm and dragged him downstairs to the library, where he grabbed a book from the shelf, "Look at this!" He flipped through pages, "Here's the monument that marked the spot where you were buried; a statue of you as Osiris; the remains of a temple I built to you in Rome. Wasted away! I had to keep living, to give your memory the respect it deserved."  
  
This seemed to break the spell that Clark was under, "Temple?"  
  
Lex came back to himself, as well, "Hadrian loved Antinous so much that he had him deified. There were temples all over the Roman world to him; his cult became equated with Osiris in Egypt and Apollo in Greece, his home country. I have to admit, though, that I exaggerated a bit. He didn't get the title 'Graeculus' from his association with Antinous, but he did exploit it to the fullest once he and Antinous became involved," Lex added this last a bit sheepishly.  
  
"Deified? Like made a god?"  
  
"That's what it means, yes."  
  
Clark suddenly broke out in his most blinding grin, "I have something to show you, now."  
  
Lex wondered if Clark was about to begin the long-hoped-for game of 'I'll show you mine if you show me yours,' but instead, Clark picked Lex up in his arms. "Sorry about holding you like you're a woman, but it's either this, or I swing you over my shoulder in a fireman's carry."  
  
"I'll take this, thanks."  
  
"Thought you would. Hold on."  
  
And with that, Clark was off through the fields that separated the castle from the farm. Once they'd arrived at the Kent Farm, Clark lowered Lex to the ground outside the storm cellar. He opened the storm cellar door, ushering Lex in ahead of him.  
  
He turned on the light, and Lex immediately saw the ship. "Is this . . . ?"  
  
Clark nodded. "A spaceship. The one I came in."  
  
"The one you came in?" Lex repeated, just to make sure he'd heard correctly.  
  
"But that's not the interesting part."  
  
"It isn't?"  
  
Clark showed Lex the written message from his biological father.   
  
"This looks like the writing in the caves," Lex said unnecessarily.  
  
"It says_On this third planet from this star Sol, you will be a god among men. They are a flawed race. Rule them with strength, my son. That is where your greatness lies. . . ._"  
  
"You've been sent here to conquer?"  
  
"That's what I thought, too, until the dreams started. Then I realized the two most important parts -- 'you will be a god, rule them with strength.'"  
  
"So they knew about Antinous?"   
"They must have. I think that when I learned my native language, I must have reawakened past-life memories, too. One where I was a god, or made into one, at any rate, and where I had some relationship with the ruler."  
  
"Hadrian," Lex nodded. "You said that you -- Antinous -- you -- whoever sacrificed your life for Hadrian's health?"  
  
Clark nodded.   
  
"Antinous traded his life for Hadrian's health, then Hadrian had Antinous deified. I've always thought of it as a sort of Greco-Roman _Gift of the Magi,_ truthfully. Neither one got what they wanted. Hadrian was still sick, and Antinous was still dead."  
  
"But that's not what happened," Clark responded, "Antinous became a god, and in the process, he restored Hadrian," Clark slyly put his arm around Lex's waist, "to health."  
  
"This won't be easy, you know. Just because we may have been together . . . before, doesn't mean we're the same people we were then."  
  
Clark grinned at his boyfriend's attempt to be the voice of caution, "Yes, but there are no laws against two men being in love for the rest of their lives now, either."  
  
"Your mother, your father, your friends, *my* father . . . ."  
  
"Our first date, our first anniversary, our first kiss . . . ."  
  
And with that, Clark bent his head and kissed Lex. The transmigration of souls notwithstanding, Clark was an inexperienced kisser, so Lex took over. He slowed Clark down, teaching him to caress with his lips, to taste, to tug gently with the teeth. Clark's moans told Lex that Clark saw the improvement over the desperate game of tonsil hockey that they had begun with.  
  
Reluctantly, Lex released Clark's lips, "And what'll happen when your parents find us making out down here in the storm cellar?"  
  
Clark pulled Lex closer, kissing him again, "We'll just have to tell them that you and I have been waiting nearly 2,000 years to be reunited. They'll adjust, just like they always have. Remind me to tell you why we use Chinet for all of our 'good' dinners. Some other time."  
  
With that, Clark captured Lex's lips again, telling him without words that he'd never willingly let him go again.  
  
_The teachers told us, the Romans built this place  
They built a wall and a temple, an edge of the empire   
Garrison town_  



End file.
